Monday, August 20, 2012

Breastfeeding is a Struggle

Breastfeeding has always been extremely important to me. It is so totally better for baby. And I'll be honest when in public I judge people based on whether I see them bottle feeding or breastfeeding. When I found out I was having twins I started reading the books on breastfeeding twins. It is possible! One hour after birth Hannah nursed for 40 straight minutes. It was heaven everything I wanted. Then there was Sarah Grace who wouldn't latch, how wasn't gaining weight, who had jaundice and the pediatrician said oh she's not getting enough fluids for the jaundice to go away you have to supplement her. I have never made progress trying to breastfeed Sarah Grace, I just can't get her to latch. I have successfully breastfeed her once. Sitting in the lactation consultants office.  Hannah on the other hand I've had a lot more success. However I will nurse her for an hour and she will still be hungry and nursing her is accompanied by toe curling pain. So for a while I tried my best I nursed Hannah, feed Sarah Grace and then pumped so Sarah Grace could get at least some breastmilk. This process took almost 2 hours. And I felt like I wasn't doing good enough for either of them and I was exhausted. So I went to pumping pumping pumping. I pumped every two hours and had no where near enough for even one girl :( So I took all kinds of herbal supplements. With minial success. Finally I got my doctor to write me a prescription. I have seen vast improvements. But I still want to breastfeed my babies. And I judge myself, and am hard on myself for not being able to. I am still trying to with Hannah although until today I hadn't brought her to the breast in a few days. Today I actually breastfeed Hannah twice and both times she only took an ounce of supplemental milk afterwards. I'm wondering if now that I have a lot more supple if it's easier for her to get it. My lactation consultant said that since we have never been able to get consistantly good latches it is like Hannah is trying to drink through a bent straw, she is putting up all this work but barely getting any. I took this picture after what I consider a successful nursing session. 

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